Tim Allen has heard GALES of laughter, like that time he told a judge he was “not guilty” for dealing cocaine, and the judge fell off his bench laughing hysterically.
“Tee hee, you rapscallion!” (said the judge between giggles), “Now off to jail you go!”
THEN, Tim Allen got into standup comedy, where he was half successful, as he WAS able to physically stand up, per se, but the comedy part alluded him.
Then, Tim Allen had a horrible, unfunny, show in the 90’s that would have been vastly improved by the addition of a talking horse, and the subtraction of Tim Allen.
Then, Tim Allen was Buzz Lightyear, the only single thing Tim Allen didn’t suck at. He SUCKED as a drug dealer — as his mug-shots will confirm. He sucked hard as a comedian to where STRAWS would cross the street to avoid his path. He sucked on sitcoms… He was actually fine in Toy Story, and it literally hurt me to type that sentence. He’s good at acting like an alien toy who has little or no idea how earthlings live…
A mug-shot of “Geraldo Sevendees Pornstache” AKA/ Tim Allen, arrested for dealing cocaine.
And NOW, as the whole world held their baited breath to hear what Tim Allen had on his mind, he spoke out!
Tim Allen said it’s unfair that Roseanne got fired FROM WORKING FOR DISNEY — just for tweeting racist things at a time when people are busy murdering other people over their races and religions.
No, he really did…
See, when Disney, who owns: Marvel, Star Wars, Pixar, Touchstone Pictures, the rock band KISS, you, me-Steven Rouach, ABC, ESPN, and the MUPPETS, found out Roseanne was busy tweeting heartwarming and whimsical messages of calling human black women apes, and disparaging holocaust survivors, they said “OH FUN!”.
Of course I kid. The powers that be at ABC and Disney accessed the situation for well over twelve seconds, possibly as many as fifteen seconds, and fired Roseanne as fast as someone can possibly be fired. They released statements that said:
“Attention: That crazy, racist, ‘seaward’ Roseanne’s — hateful and psychotic and terrifying thoughts that hurt all of humanity — do NOT reflect the opinions of ABC, Disney, or anyone sane from the planet Earth. We shan’t be working with her anymore even if she lives to be 150 billion years old, an age her species is rumored to live until”.
But that’s not good enough for Roseanne. She WANTS to be back in show business, not to do a show, or make anyone accidentally laugh, no... it’s so she’d have a platform to tweet hateful, and psychotic, and terrifying thoughts, that hurt all of humanity.
Tim Allen was quoted as saying “Who makes up these rules?”
Which, ironically, was the exact thing Tim Allen said when the police arrested him for being a cocaine dealer. He said “Who makes up these rules where I can’t sell cocaine, whether it be to people, dogs, or children?”
Well, Tim Allen… it’s not WHO makes up these rules, it’s that THESE RULES EXIST.
For example, if I have a hit TV-show — I know the rule is not to compare human women to apes or dress up like Hitler. I just instinctively know this due to not being a F******G IDIOT.
But, you want to know who makes up these rules?
Disney. — They have a “No Insane Asshats Tarnishing Their Image With Alt-Right Assholery Clause” built into every Disney contract next to a watermark drawing of an unfunny rodent.
Written by Steven W. Rouach