Truth in Satire
Trump’s VA Nominee Ronny Jackson Drinks on the Job AND Faces Claims of Overprescription and a Hostile Work Environment.
Veterans VERY EXCITED about Jackson possibly running the VA!
When we first saw Ronny L*. Jackson (*The L is short for LUSH), he was at a podium babbling incoherently about how Trump can live to the age of 200, just to bum everyone out. He also extolled the virtues of Trump’s MENTAL health, after Trump was able to identify a drawing of a horse.
Dr. Jackson said of Trump: “I’ve found no reason whatsoever to think the president has any issues whatsoever with his thought processes,”
thus proving that Dr. Ronny L . Jackson is indeed a F******G idiot.
NOW, he’s Trump’s choice to lead the Veterans Affairs Department, known as one of the most challenging departments to run due to its size, as it’s the federal government’s second-largest, employing more than 370,000 people and operating sprawling health and veterans benefits systems. Senators planned to challenge Dr. Jackson’s lack of management experience running a large organization.
And now, it turns out the Senate Veterans Affairs Committee is instead examining allegations that as the White House physician, Dr. Jackson oversaw “a hostile work environment” and allowed the “overprescribing of drugs”, according to congressional officials briefed on the committee’s work.
They have also received claims that Dr. Ronny L. Jackson drank too much on the job.
So, I decided to visit and interview Dr. Ronny L. Jackson. (It’s random acts of journalism such as these, that have me be commonly referred to as the “Edward R. Murrow of this Generation”).
Me: Dr. Jackson, I’d like to thank you for granting me this interview. However, I would be remiss if I didn’t point out to my readers that you seem inebriated, and there are some members of your staff laying on the floor bleeding, corresponding with blood on your own hands, and the ones who are still conscious seem to be cowering in fear of you. This supports claims of a hostile work environment, drinking on the job, and you’ve also been accused of overprescribing. Would you care to respond to these allegations?
Dr. Jackson: (Writing on a pad) Here’s…. a prescription for 10,000 valiums, and 1,000 refills. That should make you feel better… WOW, I’m drunk!
Me: Well, there are empty liquor bottles scattered around your office and you’re swigging from a half-empty bottle of bourbon as we speak, and it’s only 9:15 am… so —
Dr. Jackson: SO drunk… Hey, do you want a prescription for Xanax? Here, I just wrote you one for 1/4 of a million Xanax. They’re small, so you’ll want to take A LOT. Wow, I’m really, really, drunk. Did you know Trump can recognize a drawing of a horse? Trump totally would have beaten Tillerson at an IQ test, if only he was able to read or write!
Me: Well I —
Dr. Jackson: Hold on, I need to do something weird to my staff. See that woman over there? Hey, you! Lady! Whatever your name is. Come here, I wanna scream right into your face! Someone said I create a hostile work environment! Now, come here, before I throw this bottle at your head! WOW, I really am drunk!
Me: Well, perhaps you can hold off on abusing that woman until after our interview, it’s uncomfortable to see someone in a state of that much fear, which she is obviously in. See how she’s running away and tipping over furniture behind her, to help her not be pursued by you?
Dr. Jackson: Fine,… I’ll torment her later. Here, take a handful of these pills I’m not even sure what they are...
Me: I’m still fine,… but what would you say to allegations that you create a hostile work environment, that you overprescribe medication, that you’re completely incapable and dangerous to the VA, and that you drink heavily on the job?
Dr. Jackson: (Slurring) You… you’re the… best… just… the best guy! You know what you are? The best. Guy. That’s what. Wait… wait… check this out.
At this point in the interview a drunk, incoherent, Dr. Jackson threw his half-empty bottle at the heads of some of his staff who were standing foolishly within Dr. Jackson’s throwing distance, cutting one man’s head as the rest scurried.
Dr. Jackson: Look at that! That was AWESOME! Gosh, I’m drunk… (as he then passes out).
Inspiring words, indeed.
So, if you’re a Veteran who’s possibly already upset at Trump for saying he doesn’t like soldiers who get captured when he berated John McCain, or upset he demands military parades like Stalin, despite not having served himself, you’ll be glad to know Trump chose Dr. Jackson to run the VA, only after making absolutely sure Dr. Jackson said nice things about Trump on TV.
Written by Steven W. Rouach.
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