Trump and the LOVELY and TALENTED Kim Jong-Un
Sooo talented.
To Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un is TALENTED. Talented like a Beatle who, through a series of unfortunate events resulting from improper use of psychedelics, had his hair and head sculpted to look like a guitar pick.
Now, I’ve said some harsh things about Trump. No, it’s true. I’ve called him:
- a racist, orange Hobgoblin,
- a melting creamsicle,
- a John Miller impersonator,
- what Lunacy sees when it gazes into the Sea of Madness,
- a human-ferret-hybrid stapled to a hair-weave
- Semi-sentient Flan
- What “Confused” imagines when it thinks of “Befuddled”
- The: Can Recognize a Drawing of a Horse, Whisperer
- Sewage, in an ill-fitting suit
- Melania and Ivanka’s Social Disease
- presidential-place-holder and Dotard In Chief
- the wakeup call for the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse
- Senor Habla Es Poopy Pants
I’ve listed his pseudonyms such as: Harry Von Weavey, Ray Sist,
Al Z. Heimers, Heywood U. Committreason II, and David Dennison.
However, I must concede that Trump, did have his historic meeting with Kim Jong-Un to celebrate their commemorative coin, and possibly discuss a commemorative plate, or even set of dishes, for future commercial release.
Now, it’s important to know that Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un are both complete lunatics.
HOWEVER, while Trump is a warehouse full of ADHD addled rage, coupled with enough narcissism to fill the grand canyon, and is, let’s be honest, out of control, to where we hired MILITARY GENERALS TO BABYSIT HIM, (and even they can’t cope), and a guy who changes his mind on positions moment by moment, depending on who’s jiggling their keys at him to get his attention…
Kim Jong-Un, in contrast, is actually very deliberate in everything he does whenever he’s not drunk. Sony Pictures made a movie he didn’t like, so he WREAKED HAVOC on Sony, by hacking them to smithereens, and getting the top people in their film division fired. He killed his half brother in the most out-in-the-open-high-profile-way ever imaginable. (He did it on “Fratricide” his runaway hit North Korean game-show where lucky contestants unknowingly kill Kim Jong Un’s brother and then go to prison for it).
He also killed his uncle whose death was classified as “Natural Causes” associated with being hit by a rocket launcher. (Once his head, legs, and arms flew off, his heart just… stopped).
He sent his surprisingly normal-seeming sister to South Korea to great effect. *Mike Pence and his wife frowned at her. Pence famously said at the time,
“The United States of America doesn’t stand with murderous dictatorships, we stand up to murderous dictatorships,” and then eventually become their running mates and vice presidents…
*(Mike Pence is the current Vice President, and the lead singer of the Heavy Metal music group “Screaming Out Of The Closet” *featuring the dulcet tones of Mike Pence.)
So, while Kim Jong-Un is a maniac, he’s actually a very well thought-out and controlled maniac. Whereas Trump, is exactly as well thought-out as a toddler sticking a butter-knife into an electric outlet.
Now, after showing the only video I’ve ever seen that was weirder than Ann Margaret doing a duet with the Bay City Rollers to a packed house of octogenarians (that actually happened. No really. Ok. Fine. You’ve been warned…)
Anyway, after showing the only video ever created that was weirder than THAT, Trump called Kim Jong-Un “Talented”.
No, he really did. No, really. He said that. With his mouth. He opened the most useless hole in his head, and called Kim Jong-Un “talented”.
Trump went on to carefully explain, the way a head trauma victim would, why Kim Jong-Un is talented. He said it was because Kim Jong-Un was only 26 when he took over the country, and killed LOADS of people in his short time in power. He really made a difference.
I’m honestly now convinced Trump thinks PSI, the man who did “Gangnam Style” and Kim Jong-Un are the exact same person…
Trump saying: So talented, the way he dances and sings in videos. Very musical. Many, many, views on YouTube, and running a country… and all the gulags and forced labor camps there. He’s so busy…
Trump, of course, used this solemn moment to propose building Trump hotels on Kim Jong-Un’s beaches. Oh, I wish I was making this up, but Trump himself said this HILARIOUS statement on television.
So, while they didn’t really get to discuss any human rights violations, or access to check denuclearization, due to time constraints and neither of them actually knowing what human rights are, or entail, Trump DID get in his points about the North’s untapped potential for beachside condos.
Afterwards, Trump said he will call his “friend” the Chinese premier Xi Jinping when he returns to Washington, in order to discuss the various licenses Jinping granted to Ivanka Trump’s clothing line, and other Trump based financial considerations.
So, EXCITED about this new peace achieved by this very historic event, which will allow Jong-Un to ease his economy into making weapons in a more secret way, and not launching them all into the sea causing many fish to say “ow”?
Are YOU looking forward to staying at the opulent Trump Resorts North Korea Hotel to visit their spa and talent center?
Let us know in the comments below, and in the words of Kim Jong-Un himself: “Naneun neohuideul usneunda!”
Written by Steven W. Rouach
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