NOT MY-Pillow! Substandard Pillow Maker, Mike Lindell, Keeps Innovating New Ways to Destroy His Own Company.

A Bitter Pill-O for Mike Lindell to Swallow.

Deviltry image by author

“MyPillow has an “F” rating from the Better Business Bureau and has been fined and settled numerous lawsuits over false advertising claims related to its products” — Taylor Telford, Washington Post.

There was a time when Mike Lindell, the CEO of MyPillow, had a great opportunity. He had an opportunity to shave off his ridiculous Harry-Reems 1970's porn mustache so he could look slightly less like a douche and/or Dr. Phil wearing a Sonny Bono wig.

Oh, and he also had ANOTHER opportunity.

He could have invested his time, money, and efforts to stop ripping off MyPillow customers with his shady “buy one get one” false advertising schemes which are part of an ongoing class-action lawsuit. He could have rectified the HORRIBLE customer service that caused so many complaints on the Better Business Bureau that the BBB revoked their accreditation as a company, and possibly, as humans in general.

Lindell could have made his pillows last more than a week or not smell exactly like a mixture of Kellyanne Conway’s tail and Sean Hannity’s hooves dipped in feet-’n-ass-sauce... He could have concentrated on improving his product and his company.

INSTEAD, he devoted all his weird, strange, disturbing, energy into a weird, strange, disturbing, felonious ferret stapled to a hair weave, Donald J. Trump.

Mike Lindell spent his days praising Trump and his nights praising Trump, and in the afternoons he’d round out his day by praising Trump. If not for his allergy to mushrooms, Mike Lindell would have gladly fellated Trump until his teeth fell out and his kneepads wore through.

THEN, Mike Lindell got an… idea! A cartoon of a broken light bulb with smoke coming out of it appeared over his incongruous and unlikely head. His idea was to plot treason, print it on paper, THEN get photographed holding that paper — just in case his court case ever needs an “Exhibit -A”

So, he did that. No, really. It was hilarious. Here’s a Mike Lindell day.

1. Wake up.