My Own Plans to Have Will Smith Smack the Living S**T Out of Me Just Shifted Into High Gear

Steven Rouach
4 min readMar 31, 2022

ATTENTION WILL SMITH! I’m Right Here In Brooklyn. Come Get Me!

Making New Acquaintances.

You know what’s nice?

I’ll tell you what, so you won’t have to guess. — A lavish lifestyle, free of silly concerns about a next meal or late mortgage payment. Having the best medical insurance, a lovely home, and living the American dream… as portrayed in American films.

It’s a swell life. Easy breezy.

So, to facilitate that for myself, I plan to sue actor Will Smith for a F**K-Ton of money. Of course, I can’t sue him for the atrocities he’s caused such as the film “The Wild Wild West” which, to be fair, damaged me irreparably to where I can no longer go to see movies that don’t make a lick of sense and aren’t entertaining in any way shape or form because the script was written by ferrets with pencils taped to their mouths. Oh, how I’ve suffered. First while watching it and then remembering it forever like having mental herpes.

No, I plan to spend my days and nights devising REALLY FUN ways to entice Will Smith to beat the silly out of me by slapping me right into next Tuesday, as I now know the way to make that dream, a dream which has consumed me, into a reality.

Comedy!

See, the BIG (all-caps) problem with Chris Rock’s Jada Pinkett Smith joke at the Oscars was…

it wasn’t funny.

Comedy can be mean and comedy can be cruel and comedy can be edgy BUT < (BIG But) comedy, by definition, HAS TO BE FUNNY.

Chris Rock’s joke about Jada Pinkett Smith being cast in G.I. Jane 2… was a dud on every level. Here’s a bullet list of all the reasons why.

  • NO ONE CARED ABOUT G.I. JANE 1
  • see the previous bullet point

So, for all those reasons, calling out Jada Pinkett Smith’s various unfortunate medical maladies to compare them to a relatively obscure film from decades ago… didn’t get folks all roaring with laughter.
Imagine that…

Here’s how it’s done correctly.
Jada Pinkett Smith is here… she shaved her head because she’s currently villainously plotting ways to oust poor

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Steven Rouach

Is a carbon based life form from Earth. Anyone who tells you he's not is absolutely lying. He's known for being dashing, heroic & humanity's last, best, hope.