Mike Pence’s AMAZING Plans to Help Him Debate Kamala Harris.

Prepare for another profoundly interesting debate.

“Ta-da!!! I’m HERE!… I’m NOT fabulous, so don’t get used to me!” --Mike Pence. / / “Mama says knock you out!” — Kamala Harris (Images by author)

I’d like to take a moment to explain what we’re about to see.

Picture two boxers in a prizefight.

You may picture iconic battles like Ali vs. Liston, or ‘Sugar’ Ray Leonard vs Tommy Hearns. This is not that, so just picture Mike Tyson, young and in his prime, vs. Gus from the cigarette store*.
*(Gus’s Cigarette Emporium-Boutique & Haberdashery, -Est. 1957).

And Gus, of course, has a gummy leg, and terrible sciatica, and he’s also tied to an ironing board. And a 22-year-old Mike Tyson is punching him repeatedly and viciously in the head as Gus convulses and loses all control of his bladder and bowels. In this scenario, Mike Pence is Gus, but way more homophobic, and Kamala is Tyson, but way more dangerous. And she won’t even have to lift a glove to beat him, although I’m truly not averse to the idea.

See, here’s the thing. Mike Pence is an idiot. Now, he’s not as much of an idiot as Trump, who has the mind of a small child, if that child’s mind was infested with bees who angrily stung his brain instead of firing neurons. But Pence is an idiot, nonetheless.