Legal Experts Agree, Matt Gaetz Could Legally Just Seek Out Young-Looking 18-Year-Old Runaway Girls to Sexually Exploit.
He’s a member of the House of Representatives. Isn’t that FUN!?!
Potato-head-shaped-madman and Congress… um… entity, Matt Gaetz, took time from his very busy schedule of scouting local Quinceañeras for young girls from broken homes to sexually exploit, to briefly consider his legal challenges going forward with what precious little brain power he has at his disposal before smoke gently wisps from his ears.
To refresh everyone’s sadder memories, Matt “Open-duh” Gaetz allegedly took underage girls, gave them a LOT of drugs and a little money, and had sex with them before bringing them across state lines to pimp them out to his rich, perverted, friends. Some may consider this kind of activity to be morally ambiguous (because they are insane). The rest of us normal folk think of it as soul-crushingly horrific, creepy, and unfathomably disgusting.
Now, I say Matt Gaetz “ALLEGEDLY” did this. Let me clarify. — Matt Gatez almost certainly, definitely, absolutely, positively, 99.9999999% did exactly this. If I had a trillion dollars, I’d bet $999,999,999,990 of it on this being true and use the other ten dollars to buy a whimsically-festive bag to put all my winnings in.
Here’s something to consider. According to various reports, Matt Gaetz showed nude and sexually pornographic photos of the VERY YOUNG girls he’s sexually exploited to other members of Congress. On the floor of the House of Representatives. This is what he’s busy doing (as Florida’s answer to the question; “What if we cross-bred a cicada locust, Pugsley Adams, and WKRP’s Herb Tarlik and then elected whatever unholy thing that emerged to Congress?”
Thus far, the Republican Party has officially responded to questions from the press about Matt Gatez — by officially stating “No habla English”, and then, when pressed, eventually following up with “No habla Espanol!”.
The RNC then went on to clarify these previous statements by claiming the January 6th Insurrection riots were “caused by Antifa members who were upset that the rock band KISS refuses to reunite with the original lineup, and aided by members…