Oh, Dotardy Donnie Trump, you’ve inspired so many women — to file lawsuits against you for sexual assault! You have a wife that just accepted a modeling job to become the “new face” and mascot for the word “loathing”. You have a porn star who has tapes of you, who was paid off by a lawyer who has tapes of you, that the FBI now dances to.
And, it was your OWN lawyer that was busy taping you!
How awesome is THAT?
Michael “I Scream” Cohen. The very same dude who was running around like an idiot saying he “would take a bullet” for you.
— For you “Arrested Development” fans, here’s the “Bullet” Michael Cohen was ready to take for Trump.
Yes, that’s “the Bullet” Michael Cohen was going “to take” for Trump. Whether taking Bullet to dinner or a movie or “taking a Bullet” sexually, — I can’t know for sure. BUT Michael “Coma-Victim” Cohen HAS TAPES (“Lordy!”) and has TURNED ON TRUMP.
To recap, Cohen famously became Trump’s lawyer way back when Cohen had business cards made up that said he was “a lawyer”, despite the fact that the law school he attended was actually just a meth lab.
As for the porn star, her name is Stormy Daniels, a woman known for hiring very clever lawyers to combat opposing lawyers who are obviously drugged, concussed, or comatose.
Then, Trump had the BRILLIANT idea to have Omarosa in his cabinet! She immediately rolled up her sleeves and went right to work scattering shoes across every inch of the White House for people to trip on, and terrorizing everyone she encountered. (In fairness, she also crashed the White House with her wedding party of FIFTY people so that the Secret Service could have the kind of “exciting day” that includes “completely freaking out”). We, as Americans, paid Omarosa about $180,000 dollars per year to perform those direly needed services. Donald J. Treason-Face thought it was a “good investment”. Fun Fact: IT WASN’T… until NOW!
See, besides not doing anything constructive in any way, shape, or form during the course of her entire year on the job, she DID run around taping everything that went on around her. Mostly the sounds of people tripping over her shoes and hitting their heads and cursing, but other stuff too. Oh, Trump DOES run an organized White House if one were using “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” or “Arkham Asylum” as a reference. So, crazy Omarosa was running around taping crazy Trump, which FINALLY justified the $180K she was paid. AND she wrote a book!
Now, someone SANE who was the subject of a disparaging book — would try not to publicize or draw attention to that book.
SO, GUESS WHAT HAPPENED?
Trump, whose mind has been described as “stable” because “horses poop there”, went out of his way to do everything he possibly ever could to make sure Omarosa’s book has the kind of print publicity usually reserved for “The Bible”.
He did the same thing with “Fire and Fury” the book by Michael “Ware” Wolff. FIRST Trump invited Wolff right into the White House and made sure he had a nice little desk, a comfy chair, and a lamp, right by everyone’s office so that he could clearly witness all the insanity and completely bizarre behavior in a front row seat. Trump THEN, upon discovering his “amazing plan”… “backfired”, tried to have Wolff’s book “banned”. So, of course, the book sold a bajillion copies. There was a paper shortage for months due to that book. Wolff howled with laughter when that happened. (He then later bayed at the moon and visited London).
NOW, having seen the result of highly publicizing a disparaging book, Trump AGAIN went out of his way to ensure Omarosa’s book shoots to #1 on all bestseller lists.
Trump actually responded in a way that’s eerily reminiscent of the time President Eisenhower secretly met with aliens from an advanced race who landed on Earth and accidentally dosed him with powerful extraterrestrial psychotropic drugs, which made him act like a complete maniac for 48 hours…
So, Trump tweeted:
“Covfefe!!! I’ve chewed through my restraints again and everyone here is yelling and running away in panic! Losers!”
Oh, Inspiring words, indeed…
THEN Trump tweeted:
“I might be having a stroke, I smell electricity and everything tastes purple. I think my brain might be broken,… banana peel, eye-socket, roller skate, tap-dancing-hippopotamus!
and he followed up with:
“Omarosa is a dog. I know this because she gave me fleas and rabies, and I’m foaming at the mouth, but even more so than usual! Sad!”
“Don’t buy Omarosa’s book which is due out any moment now, but can be pre-ordered through Amazon where you can save 20% with the promo code “shoe-tripper”! I only hired her because I’m a complete lunatic who spends tons of taxpayer money on completely insane things and because she said nice things about me even though I’m an adult-sized, special-needs, toddler who needs constant adult supervision! So, don’t buy Omarosa’s book which is also available at Barnes & Noble, or listen to the thousands of hours of tapes she was able to record in the White House.
Some say Trump’s tweets and attacks will only help Omarosa’s book sales. (Others who lack the power of speech also agree, and just think it or write it down, in lieu of saying it).
Written by Steven W. Rouach