Harvey Weinstein Should Be In Prison.
When the deeply disturbing reports of film mogul Harvey Weinstein came to light, many conservatives were VERY concerned that liberals speak out against him, the way they have against others with a history of sexual misconduct such as: Roger Ailes the Hutt, Bill O’Reilly, and of course, Donald Trump.
Donald Trump Jr., inventor of the chin-less chinstrap, was VERY concerned about this, and, was so distraught; he almost missed an important meeting with representatives from a hostile nation to discuss committing treason against America. Until Jimmy Kimmel, heroically, stepped up to calm Trump Jr. down.
Kimmel, using his kindness, and empathy, that he’s now famous for, indeed, said that Trump senior, AND Weinstein are “BOTH really rapey, and should BOTH be in prison”. And those magic words healed Donald Jr’s wounds, and cheered him up enough that he was later able to shoot some adorable pandas, in the face, with a gun.
Well, conservatives needn’t have worried. The New York Times broke the story, and I can absolutely promise that every liberal person or moderate person I’ve ever met, spoken with, or even imagined, is truly horrified by Weinstein’s reign of terror against women.
No one sane ever says “I approve of that person’s political views SO much, it seems okay that he’s a terrifying rapist who should be locked up behind bars”.
It’s idiotic to think otherwise.
So, let’s discuss Harvey Weinstein.
Here’s one of his statements: “I appreciate the way I’ve behaved with colleagues in the past has caused a lot of pain, and I sincerely apologize for it.”
Oh… Okay then. Problem solved. I’m now sure the women he raped now feel MUCH better, and can now wean themselves off the antidepressants they’ve since been taking to deal with the PTSD he caused them.
Sadly, that, of course, is not the case Mr. Weinstein.
Not even close.
Weinstein also said: “In the past I used to compliment people, and some took it as me being sexual, I won’t do that again.”
I’d like to now translate this statement as it pertains to reality.
“In the past I used to compliment people, by exposing my penis to them, wrapping it in a bow like a present, and frantically chasing them all around my office with it, until the police intervened,… and some took it as me being sexual. I won’t do that again. Because I realize I’ll eventually wind up in prison, now that this is known about me.”
See how that makes more sense?
Sallie Hofmeister, a spokesperson for Weinstein, issued a statement in response to the allegations. — I’d now like to break this statement down and examine it, line by line, and continue to add reality to each part of the released statement, (which I will indicate with a large dot, or a small circle, dependent on your mindset and perspective).
“Any allegations of non-consensual sex are unequivocally denied by Mr. Weinstein”.
- Weinstein also claimed he has a swimmer’s body and does Pilates six times a week, all of which is very profoundly untrue.
“Mr. Weinstein has further confirmed that there were never any acts of retaliation against any women for refusing his advances”.
- The exception being never working again, and being blacklisted, and having their dreams crushed. Other than that, no retaliations against them, such as having them all murdered and buried in a field.
“Mr. Weinstein obviously can’t speak to anonymous allegations, but with respect to any women who have made allegations on the record, Mr. Weinstein believes that all of these relationships were consensual”.
- Yeah… women see Harvey Weinstein and they just can’t help themselves. He’s SO adorable. They immediately think to themselves “Gosh that very obese, sweaty, frightening looking, rapey man, is very fetching! I think it best I have consensual sex with him before he just goes ahead and rapes me anyway. He’s dreamy”.
(Assume I wrote this in the most sarcastic font possible).
“Mr. Weinstein has begun counseling, has listened to the community and is pursuing a better path. Mr. Weinstein is hoping that, if he makes enough progress, he will be given a second chance.”
- Sooo… by listening to the community, Weinstein learned rape is wrong, and now he’s going to try to rape less. Wow. What an inspiring tale of redemption! He MUST make that into a movie.
Weinstein also said that it was not “coincidental” that he was organizing a foundation for women directors at the University of Southern California.
He really did. He said that. With his mouth. Between rapes. He actually assured us it’s not “coincidental” that he organizes foundations where he can get large groups of women to prey on, as opposed to chasing them individually and running out of breath.
He also said:
“It will be named after my mom and I won’t disappoint her.”
To which I would reply:
Dude. Seriously? If your mom isn’t already disappointed by you being a rapist, I don’t think a substandard foundation for women directors will really phase her much.
Written By Steven W. Rouach