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Gotham City Lies In Smoldering Ruins as Batman Successfully Completes Anger Management Course, Takes Up Gardening.
“He couldn’t have picked a worse time to confront his unbridled rage”, says Gotham Mayor.
“I knit now.” — Batman
After years of writing about Batman for the ‘Murder & Mayhem’ section of ‘Gotham Cuisine Weekly’, I must admit to feeling somewhat melancholy as I was carefully stepping over all the corpses as most of Gotham City continues to burn, except for the parts that “The Penguin” Oswald Cobblepot recently sank into the ocean.
Amidst the screams and gunfire, I noticed the new Gotham Police Commissioner was impaled on the spire that marks the center of Gotham Park. This wasn’t as upsetting as the fact that he was also partially eaten, which didn’t exactly inspire me with confidence. His murder marks the sixth police commissioner killed in the two weeks since Commissioner Gordon abruptly quit and famously said “BYE!” as he got into his car, and then said, “See ya!” as he screeched away.
I then spoke to Gotham’s new Mayor, Mayor Garcia, as he was swinging upside down in a pendulum fashion, dangled over a large tank filled with piranhas, crocodiles, rats with bubonic plague, and baby sharks wearing tiny MAGA hats, as the…
