I SWEAR I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!
Drunken Buffoon, Matt Gaetz, Hilariously Uses Tax Payer Money to Employ a White Supremacist as a Speech Consultant
WHERE DOES IT END?
I just read a fun story in Politico* about some zany, new, Matt Gaetz antics.
*(For clarity, Politico is a newspaper from Earth which is run by earthlings and features articles).
So — Matt Gaetz took time out of his busy schedule of taste-testing Donald Trump’s hemorrhoids… and drunk-driving the wrong way on the freeway while throwing up, — to do some AMAZING THINGS.
Before I tell you what happened, keep in mind that Matt Gaetz represents Florida, due to some Floridians unfortunately not properly protecting their brains from the hot sun which causes their brains to cook like they’re in an air-fryer, and then, they go voting,…
SO, as Floridians are all dropping dead of the same pandemic Gaetz was openly mocking just months earlier (like an idiot would), and Florida’s hospitals overflow, and the corpses of Floridians are being piled into refrigerated trucks as Florida’s doctors and nurses start to get sick, Matt Gaetz SPRUNG into ACTION and illicitly used taxpayer funds to employ a speech consultant, which is explicitly against House rules*.
(*I miss ‘rules’. They used to be ‘a thing’. It used to be important to ‘have’ or ‘acknowledge’ them,)
Oh, and the speech “consultant”, whose name is Darren “Darren” Beattie, is also a white supremacist. — FUN!!!
Oh, and Gatez also used taxpayer funds to build a TV studio, and also uses taxpayer money to pay “a fee”- TO the studio, whenever he uses it to record his own TV show. (I think it’s called — “The Slow-Adult Pugsley Addams Drinks & Vomits Until He Poops Himself Comedy Hour”).
Oh, and the TV studio was built in Matt Gaetz’s father’s house, and the fee taxpayers are splurging on might possibly be going to Gaetz’s dad. — Neat!
Obviousy, all of that really seems pretty great. People in Florida who voted for Matt Gaetz and are somehow still alive must feel very lucky indeed. They really got their money’s worth. It seems like he’s doing a lot for Florida with his comedy stylings and that he’s putting a lot of effort into helping his constituents laugh on their way to the cemetery through his madcap and surreal endeavors.
So, — EXCITED that Matt Gaetz is setting examples of how to destroy his own liver while he grifts money for strange and nefarious reasons? — Will YOU pray to Jesus that Matt Gaetz spontaneously combusts into flames because his sweat is 150 proof? — Are YOU a Floridian who needlessly died from COVID as Matt was busy doing his crazy, f****d up, nonsense? — Let us know in the comments below!
Written by Steven W. Rouach
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