Donald Trump, trailing a broken leash, and missing a shoe, was caught by a NY Times reporter, Michael Schmidt*, who noticed Trump wandering around Mar-a-Lago aimlessly, disheveled and confused. Schmidt’s finely honed reporter’s instincts led him to believe it would be a great time to interview Trump, and he was 1,000 percent correct on that assumption.
(*No relation to Zippy “Fast Dance” Schmidt, a popular Vaudeville performer from the 1930's).
Trump’s rambling, incoherent monologue was captured for posterity, for when future generations want to explore the amazing chain of events that lead them all to live in underground silos.
Trump’s interview was called “embarrassing” by “frustrated” aides*, and, in contrast, “an amazing and inspiring tour de force” by:
- anyone who has a Swastika tattoo,
- the Coalition for People Against Completing Thoughts and Sentences (C.P.A.C.T.S.), and…
- Oswald Cobblepot from Arkham Asylum.
(*According to the Washington Post, an actual newspaper, from Earth, that reports on news based in reality, in this particular dimension).
Terrified White House staff were pointing fingers at each other, (some of which weren’t even their own), and the phrase: “I thought Kelly was watching him!” was said at least a dozen times.
Michael Schmidt, first asked Trump: “Do you mind if I record this? No one will believe this, I can’t even believe this”. Trump agreed.
Then, after 20 solid minutes of Trump monologue, Schmidt was finally able to ask his follow up question, “What happened to your other shoe?”
Trump responded to both questions on a roulette wheel of sentences that have never met and have nothing in common. He also mentioned the 2016 election results, which was a great shock to anyone who, at that exact moment, was taking a bath and dropped a hairdryer into the bathtub.
Trump’s interview, reads exactly like the unwritten lyrics to Korsakov’s “Flight of the Bumblebee” — (Here’s how that works, sing it along to the tune): Democrats are all blinking, I smell burning when I’m thinking, — a stroke, golf stroke! No collusion I am saying, I have trouble concentrating, I can feel my brain deflating, — It’s broke, my stroke!”
See, it fits exactly to the music. As Schmidt started to wrap up the interview, by slowly edging away from Trump nervously, without making any sudden movements, Trump had to actually end the exchange himself, as there was no more available oxygen left in the greater Washington D.C. area, causing Newt Gingrich’s giant head* to come crashing into the pavement, leaving property damage to his neighborhood).
*(FUN FACT: Newt Gingrich’s head is modeled precisely after the air-balloon the Wizard of Oz made his escape in, in the MGM film).
Now, as I had printed Trump’s exact remarks verbatim in my last article, in fairness and journalistic integrity, I’ll admit to paraphrasing what Trump said above, to make it far more coherent than what I read.
BUT, Here’s something FUN that’s an exact verbatim quote.
TRUMP: What I’ve done is, I have absolute right to do what I want to do with the Justice Department.
He said that. With his mouth. He opened the least useful hole in his head, some dead bats fell out, and he said that on tape, to Schmidt*. (*No relation to Izzy “Orizenhe” Schmidt, lead guitarist in Mike Pence fronted popular heavy- metal band, “Screaming Out Of The Closet, featuring the dulcet tones of Mike Pence”)
So, let’s contrast that remark to something Trump said all the way back near the end of October 2017, on the Larry O’Connor show (Formerly: The Larry O’Connor and people who were cursed by Gypsies and that’s why we’re like this show).
TRUMP: “You know, the saddest thing is that because I’m the president of the United States, I am not supposed to be involved with the Justice Department,”… “I am not supposed to be involved with the F.B.I. I’m not supposed to be doing the kind of things that I would love to be doing. And I’m very frustrated by it.”
Trump, found this out, through the help of aides using sock puppets and hastily constructed impromptu sets to fully act out the concept, to Trump, through a first draft play called “You’re not supposed to personally direct law enforcement decisions by the Justice Department and the F.B.I. They’re supposed to work independent of you!” Starring Socky McPuppet, Socky Trump, and Jefferson Sessions, as himself.
By the 35th consecutive showing of the sock-puppet play, (which did indeed get better and more compelling as they fine tuned their performance and script), Trump finally got the concept…
and then almost immediately forgot it.
Written by Steven W. Rouach