Blimp Attacks Goodyear! A Giant Bag of Wind Named Donald, Boycotts an American Tire Company to Imperil All Its Workers.
THE MADNESS KEEPS ON ROLLING ALONG!
Here’s what happened.
Goodyear, the tire company, mandated that their employees not wear MAGA Hats* or any other political paraphernalia that might cause their workers to all viciously punch each other right into giant vats of heated rubber, as it would adversely affect the quality of their tires and raise their insurance rates. It’s “bad for business’.
*(also known as -“Honey! The Hats Shrunk Their BRAINS!” -hats.),
Also ‘bad for business’ are employees all screaming into each other’s faces all day instead of monitoring important machinery, and having an “Us vs Them” atmosphere at a company. (It can lead to the types of vicious and destructive indoor paintball fights commonly seen at Greendale Community College).
So, Goodyear decided to ban political hats and clothing in the workplace. Here are four whole reasons why this is within reason.
- They are a business.
- They are a business.
- They are a business.
- See 1,2,3.
Harold Goodyear didn’t start a tire company to one day facilitate factories of people all fighting each other instead of working. I’m sure of this even though I’m also pretty sure his name wasn’t Harold Goodyear.
Okay. I looked it up. Franklin Augustus “Frank” Seiberling didn’t start a tire company to facilitate groups of people all fighting each other. He could have just bought a fight-farm. They were plentiful back then. Farms where poor dudes would battle for food. His interests were mostly in making TIRES.
So, Goodyear evoked the spirit of their founder and said something along these lines :
“Hey employees. Here’s the deal. No more MAGA hats, or any other insanely divisive things including Nazi flags as capes, or “I Just Don’t Like Jews!” t-shirts, are allowed in the workplace. This is because people work here. Also, your ass can’t be out, no one should be barefoot, nor can you fellas walk around with your penises exposed. I guess you needed us to explain all this to you and now we did. May GOD save all of our souls, -the Management of Goodyear”.
Donald Trump didn’t like this. He truly felt that only people who wear his hats should be allowed the privilege of working in a tire company. He makes money off those hats. HOW DARE THEY?!?
So, in a cloud of flatulence and brimstone Trump flew into action (as terrified White House aides reportedly commented “Oh, dear, Lord, he can FLY now! We’re all doomed!”) and BOYCOTTED GOODYEAR TIRES. No, really. He really did.
An American company. Located in America. With American workers who depend on their jobs to feed their families.
ISN’T THAT FUN?!?
The same way Donald convinced 40% of us that coronavirus was a hoax, and then when it wasn’t… convinced 40% of us that Lysol & Bleach way up our asses will cure it, Donald now convinced 40% of the silliest geese amongst us to no longer buy American tires from an American company that just wanted to limit needless employee bloodshed on their premises.
Thousands of Ohio Goodyear workers can now add peril and uncertainty to their lives through no fault of their own. During a pandemic. (Due to the same lunatic who enabled the pandemic, politicized it, and directly caused it to spread as much as possible).
We are truly no longer in America. All of us are expatriates whether we know it or not. There is a mad leader holding all our fates in his tiny, disgusting, unsanitary hands, who demands total fealty and will destroy those who support him,… just to destroy those who oppose him.
Written in fear and loathing in New York by Steven W. Rouach.
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