*(All Images Created by Author)
So, here we are. It’s that time again for Rudy Giuliani to rise, suddenly to our surprise, and do The Monster Mash.
After his illustrious and well-thought-out press conference at “The Four Seasons… Landscaping Company”, (voted; Pennsylvania’s #1 landscaping attraction that shares a name with an iconic hotel) Rudy Giuliani did not rest on his Laurels!*
*(Stan and Martha Laurel, a local couple captured and abducted by Giuliani for feeding purposes, who have since escaped and are now cooperating with local authorities).
Rudy Giuliani took the vast experience he gained as the best-known mayor of NY that married his own cousin, to act and perform in the way an average citizen of NY would, before being hauled off and locked away in an asylum for the criminally insane. …
Shockingly, Donald Trump, (best known as the result of when vampires impregnate a can of Silly-String), has claimed, thus far;
Once again, trapped in a country gripped with disease and madness, a nation torn in half as hundreds of thousands of us fell dying into the chasm between us, I desperately needed wisdom and guidance. I needed… hope.
After a long and perilous journey that also involved me leaving my apartment, I stood, trepidatiously, upon Mount Horeb, by a burning Bush (Jeb).
The light changed and became alive. I heard the music of eternity. It sounded like The Beatles in 1966 if Brian Wilson was the fifth member. I stood bathed in awe and glory. …
Many are wondering how “Moscow” Mitch McConnell got all those bruises over his face, claws, and tail. Scientists were baffled because McConnell’s own species’ exoskeleton and neck-gestating sack were thought to be impervious. Impenatrable.
And yet, McConnell was seen all bruised during his recent press conference where McConnell spoke to the press while sitting on a branch in his terrarium and flicking his tongue in and out of the mist.
Obviously, this led to questions which I am here to answer.
I abhor violence. I don’t think it solves anything and I am a pacifist. The only time I resort to violence is when I sense great danger and my own survival instincts kick in. So, many who know me were not surprised when I savagely beat the living crap out of Mitch McConnell. …
When Bob Woodward recently released his spooky interview tapes featuring the dulcet-toned ravings of Donald J. Trump, we heard Donald bragging about the devastating deadliness of COVID-19,… before immediately going on to informing all his rich friends about it so that they can get their stocks in order, — as he continually mocked people wearing masks and called it ‘the flu’ and ‘a hoax’, so that all the rest of us can swap our safety and lives to protect the stock market. A one-two punch.
This, in and of itself, was pretty amazing.
For example and for historical reference; whenever Bill Clinton, or FDR, or Gerald Ford, or JFK, or Dwight D. Eisenhower were asked by their top officials —
“Ummm… Mr. President, should we let hundreds of thousands of people across the U.S. die needlessly and horribly from a deadly virus and even do all we can to help spread it, the way lunatics would, or, should we intervene positively and helpfully in a constructive, non-insane, way, by listening to doctors and scientists?”
They would always all answer;
“Oh, probably the second thing…”. …
I’d like to take a moment to explain what we’re about to see.
Picture two boxers in a prizefight.
You may picture iconic battles like Ali vs. Liston, or ‘Sugar’ Ray Leonard vs Tommy Hearns. This is not that, so just picture Mike Tyson, young and in his prime, vs. Gus from the cigarette store*.
*(Gus’s Cigarette Emporium-Boutique & Haberdashery, -Est. 1957).
And Gus, of course, has a gummy leg, and terrible sciatica, and he’s also tied to an ironing board. And a 22-year-old Mike Tyson is punching him repeatedly and viciously in the head as Gus convulses and loses all control of his bladder and bowels. In this scenario, Mike Pence is Gus, but way more homophobic, and Kamala is Tyson, but way more dangerous. …
As you may have heard… possibly while dancing in glee the way Snoopy does whenever he’s overcome by pure joy, — Donald Trump and Melania have tested positive for COVID-19 (due to GOD FINALLY getting around to checking three and a half years of stockpiled urgent voicemails…)
Yes, shortly after Mr. Trump’s very successful televised debate about “proving the effects of the dangers of not having any impulse control”, we found out that Trump’s surrogate nanny, Hope Hicks, was infested with COVID. She shared it with Donald Trump as they sat inside the miasma of Mr. …
Here’s what happened.
Goodyear, the tire company, mandated that their employees not wear MAGA Hats* or any other political paraphernalia that might cause their workers to all viciously punch each other right into giant vats of heated rubber, as it would adversely affect the quality of their tires and raise their insurance rates. It’s “bad for business’.
*(also known as -“Honey! The Hats Shrunk Their BRAINS!” -hats.),
Also ‘bad for business’ are employees all screaming into each other’s faces all day instead of monitoring important machinery, and having an “Us vs Them” atmosphere at a company. …
Jeremy packed himself instead of his bags
Cemented his house of cards and then he collapsed
In the past
if it seemed so wrong
then it’s probably wrong
Shown he was murder-prone when he killed all his pets
Burned off his face on the stove lighting dad’s cigarettes
on a bet
and a triple dare
and a vacant stare
that was in the
forcing down the medicine
so bless us all for we have sinned…
the numbness of your everything
is drowning in a thirst to drink
the lines that form the median
are like a mute voice screaming it
the violence that the peace will bring
of going blind and seeing things…
Here’s an example of the comedy stylings of the NEW GOP*
*(Now With 12,000% MORE Racism!)
Rep. Louie Gohmert, a Texas Republican (SURPRISE!)… joined his fellow GOP Apocalypse Enablers in refusing to wear a mask because, like them, he has a brain which is too substandard to even want to protect the body it’s housed within.
So, guess what happened!
Did you guess that Louie Gohmert got Coronavirus specifically because he’s a f*****g idiot?
Well, you would be correct.
BUT THEN — — — — — — —
Louie Gohmert found out he had it, and
Gohmert made his staff go into a small closed room with him, all of them MASK-LESS (as per Louie’s standing orders that none of his staff are allowed to wear masks) and informed his staff that he had it. …