10 Things Paul Manafort can do RIGHT NOW!!!
What if ‘The Three Stooges’ had an episode entitled “Bumbling Lunatics & Treasonous Money Laundering”. — Exactly that.
Paul Manafort is taking his amazingly successful one-man opera “Andrò In Prigione Per Molto Tempo”*, on a much anticipated tour of various US Federal Prisons! Opera lovers, who are incarcerated for treason and money laundering, are eagerly anticipating taking part in the joy of the music accompanied by Manafort’s eerily high castrato** voice.
* (The Italian title translates to: “I’m going to prison for a very long time”)
**(A castrato is a male singer, castrated in boyhood).
The opera’s co-writer (and musical “Garfunkle” to Manafort’s “Simon”), Rick Gates, has recently parted ways with Manafort, having decided to live a life that includes being outdoors,… where he can see things like — the sun, and not specifically with men.
Rick Gates, (or, as his friends call him: “Dodged-A-Bullet-Ricky”) said, in an interview:
“Me and Paul did some amazing,… just amazingly idiotic and whimsically insane things together. Our first concerto “Doctoring Word Docs to PDF” *— (*the haunting, and magnificent comedic operetta, better known as: “Dottorato Documenti Word in PDF”) — was such a surprise, huge, hit with law enforcement, and law enforcement agencies, and really put us on the map! We were even featured in “Maniacal Treasonous Opera Weekly” magazine, which was like a dream come true… But, I think it’s time to leave this all behind…. I plan to spend time with my family, but without giant walls between us, that are covered in barbed wire, with armed guards, and dogs, and Plexiglas separating us, which, I think, will bring us closer together as a family. These days I restrict myself to singing, to small groups of three or four people… who write down everything I sing,… as admissible evidence”.
Manafort, still claims his innocence, and blames the 30 or so indictments against him, on crimes committed by his own evil twin, “Geraldo Velour Manafort”, who, investigators have claimed, “doesn’t seem to exist”.
So, as promised. — Here are 10 things Paul Manafort can do right now!
- Learn to play the harmonica.
- Start working on his abs.
- Start wearing orange jumpsuits now, voluntarily, so people don’t really notice the transition to where he’s forced to.
- Take a course in hand to hand combat. Maybe a boxing class.
- Don a ridiculous disguise and attempt to leave the country, so he can be arrested in a more comedic and hilarious manner.
- Start giving multiple press conferences where he waxes poetic about how handsome he thinks Donald Trump is, in hopes of a pardon.
- Start writing an adapted version of “Jailhouse Rock” but replace the word “rock” with “suck”.
- Befriend Bernie Madoff.
- Even though his heart is breaking- laugh, clown, laugh…
- Come up with something — SO compelling, and provably true, that it makes his upcoming 147 year jail sentence, somehow, become a 2 1/2 year sentence. (See: Michael Flynn). This is the option, I, personally, would rack my brains on, using my special brain rack, and would look to… “cooperate”.
Written by Steven W. Rouach.